Sunday special: Sher Singh's betrayal and the stealth glasses

This satirical column offers a sharp critique of the latest developments in international politics, focusing on the diplomatic duplicity involving the US, Saudi Arabia, and Yemen's Houthi rebels.

This satirical column is a sharp jab at the recent developments in international politics—especially the diplomatic duplicity between the United States, Saudi Arabia, and the Houthi rebels of Yemen. Since this serious global issue has been framed as a local neighborhood story (Allegory), it is essential to understand the actual context of its characters to fully enjoy the column:

Character Introduction:

1. Sher Singh (Greedy Watchman): He symbolizes America (especially President Donald Trump and his arms-selling policy).
2. Seth Sahib: He symbolizes Saudi Arabia, which blindly trusts America for its security.
3. Babban Kabadi (The Stray Boy with a Slingshot): He symbolizes the Houthi rebels of Yemen, who carry out major attacks with cheap drones and homemade missiles.
4. Millions of Stealth 'White Elephant': This symbolizes the recent $24.3 billion worth of 'F-35' (F-35 Stealth Fighter Jets) and expensive defense deals sold to Saudi Arabia by the United States.
5. Old Model 'White Elephant': This symbolizes the American 'F-15' fighter jets previously purchased by Saudi Arabia, which were shot down by the Houthis.

Background:

Recently, the United States held a secret meeting with the Houthis in Muscat, the capital of Oman. In this meeting, the Houthis assured that they would not attack American and Israeli ships, but Saudi vessels were excluded from this security guarantee. Immediately after, the United States denied direct military assistance to Saudi Arabia (i.e., sending its troops to Yemen) and instead sold them $24.3 billion worth of 'F-35' fighter jets. This column frames the reality of America's 'arms market' in an interesting and witty neighborhood story.

Let's read the full story...

Some relationships in the world are so one-sided and based on 'Blind Trust' that they leave one astonished. The relationship between the greedy watchman 'Sher Singh' and the wealthy 'Seth Sahib' is exactly like that. Sher Singh is like that selfish friend who asks for your expensive watch as a gift and then tells you, looking at that watch, "Sorry, Seth Ji, my duty time is over." We have been hearing since childhood that a friend is someone who helps in times of trouble, but in Sher Singh's dictionary, a friend is someone who, in difficult times, leaves you alone and takes full advantage of your helplessness by selling you the most expensive security system in the neighborhood.

Seth Sahib's simplicity, innocence, and so-called 'gentility' are such that he has been a victim of Sher Singh's betrayal for decades, and each time he gets cheated, he happily pays the bill himself. The latest and most brilliant joke of Sher Singh's treachery and double game was presented recently at the secret tea shop at the corner. Reports suggest that Sher Singh, who claims to be the chief of the neighborhood and Seth Sahib's only bodyguard, sat in the tea shop with the neighborhood's stray boy 'Babban Kabadi' (who has a very accurate aim) and showcased his remarkable 'watchman skills.'

Sher Singh told Babban Kabadi,

"Look, brother, I am now distancing myself from the fights in this lane. Just don’t throw stones at my and my 'favorite brother-in-law's' shop on the main road. However, if you feel like it, feel free to practice your shooting at Seth Sahib's mansion; I won’t interfere."

Babban Kabadi also agreed. Just imagine, you hired an expensive bodyguard to protect yourself from the neighborhood bully, and he is sitting at night smoking a cigarette with that very bully and saying, "Don’t throw stones at my cabin; the rest of Seth Ji's mansion is open, loot as much as you want, just don’t make noise during my duty hours!"

When Babban Kabadi received this 'NOC' (No Objection Certificate) to attack Seth Sahib's mansion, Sher Singh opened his real shop. Seth Sahib, in panic, called Sher Singh: "Sher Singh Bhai! Babban Kabadi has surrounded the mansion, our vehicles are stuck, quickly come with your stick and help us!" Now Sher Singh, whose DNA is filled more with 'property dealing' and 'salesmanship' than with watchman duties, lovingly replied:

"Look, Seth Sahib! I don’t like the dust and dirt of the lanes on winter nights; besides, I don’t fight in someone else's battle. But don’t worry! I have brought you a bumper offer; I am giving you an imported 'Stealth' robotic white elephant for crores of rupees, and the good news is that the mahout comes absolutely free! Tell me, will you make the payment in cash, online transfer, or directly register your two or four shops in my name?"

This deal is just like having two mice invade your kitchen, you panic and call a friend, and instead of giving you mouse poison, he sells you a war tank worth crores and says, "Drive it yourself and crush the mice!" Just imagine the scene:

On one side is Babban Kabadi, wearing flip-flops, attacking with scrap pipes and a homemade slingshot, and on the other side, Seth Sahib is being sold the world's most expensive 'Stealth' white elephant to deal with him. That is, an elephant that disappears at the sight of danger. Hey brother! What good is a 'vanishing' technology worth crores to hide from an enemy who has no shame? This is Sher Singh's deadly marketing, where he first signals the neighbor to throw stones at your house, then secretly deals with him to save his cabin, and finally cashes in on your fear, cleaning out your entire vault.

Seth Sahib's expensive security budget and penchant for show-off is quite old. The neighborhood folks still remember that previously, Sher Singh sold them an extremely expensive and shiny old model of a 'white elephant.' During the neighborhood's annual celebration, this crores-worth white elephant was polished and showcased, performing splendid tricks in the mansion's courtyard and emitting colorful smoke, which left the entire neighborhood in awe. But when the reality of war with Babban Kabadi broke out and stones rained on the mansion, Babban made such an accurate shot with his fifty-rupee homemade slingshot that the crores-worth arrogant white elephant fell flat on its face.

Instead of learning from the old humiliation, Seth Sahib has tied up a new 'Stealth' elephant. The elephant has come into the mansion, but now he has to buy its foreign fodder and monthly servicing from Sher Singh's shop in the black market. Seth Sahib is spending lakhs on polishing the elephant, while on the other side, Babban Kabadi is still sitting outside the mansion, pulling back the rubber of his same fifty-rupee slingshot and laughing heartily.

The most interesting aspect of this deal is the 'stealth' technology of these robotic elephants. If we look a little deeper, Sher Singh's friendship, promises, and loyalty are also a hundred percent 'stealth'. When a deal is being made and notes are being counted, Sher Singh appears to be your own brother, but as soon as tough times come or a stone seems to be coming your way, Sher Singh's help immediately goes into 'stealth mode' and disappears so completely that even if Seth Sahib looks for it with binoculars, nothing is visible. On the other hand, one feels pity for Seth Sahib's defensive simplicity and innocence, who is buying an elephant worth crores to knock down a ₹50 slingshot and scrap. It's just like if a cockroach appears in your bathroom, and you rush to the market to buy a brand new Ferrari to crush it! The straightforward economic principle of neighborhood politics is that when Babbaan the scrap dealer's ₹50 stone collides with Seth Sahib's crores worth imported elephant, Babbaan the scrap dealer laughs and picks up another stone, while the elephant's owner ends up in the ICU upon seeing the treatment bill.

If after this open betrayal, the knife-in-the-back policy, and secret teahouse conversations, Seth Sahib still believes that Sher Singh is his true protector, then he does not need a new security system, but rather a very large and expensive hospital for mental illnesses. Because Sher Singh is the only 'well-wisher' in the world who does not throw you a life jacket while watching you drown in the river, but instead stands on the shore and sells you an extremely imported and branded pair of glasses, so that when you dive underwater, you look extremely stylish, high-tech, and perfectly 'VIP'!